Epiphany

Funny how some things just become so clear in your mind even after hearing it over and over in movies, books or whatever. With that said, this might not be an epiphany to you but it is to me at this point in my life..it has become very clear to me.

While on a train back home from partying, in the early hours of today, i was a part of one those philosophical conversations about life..you know the ones, you always have them whenever you have to study for a difficult exam/test, write yet another annoying report or when you are bored, so i tend to have these conversations at least once a week.
Anyways, we were talking about how university is so difficult and everybody just thinks students just party and blah blah blah and someone commented on how Nigerian parents would be like 'you're not the only one that goes to uni, others have done it before you!" but i thought that was not the issue, what i'd like them to say to motivate me is "YOU can do it, definitely can!it's in you to be able to"

That isnt my epiphany, so what is?
I lay in my room doing my work and as i reflect on that conversation coupled with the tweets I've been reading about Whitney Houston's (God rest her soul) funeral, I realise that that's basically all the motivation we need in life not just in our academics. YOU can do it. YOU are good enough. You are pretty. You are at your optimum size. Okay scratch that last one, may not be true. But the point is why does there have to be a reference. This is not thermodynamics, we do not have to have to measure ourselves from a standard value as though we are enthalpies (excuse the neeky-ness). We cannot continue to compare ourselves to someone else's coolness, beauty or size and see if we fall way below or way above that standard.
"all fingers are not equal" may sound silly but it is true, I would never be a certain height and if i get as skinny as some of my friends, i'll just look disgusting. You have to be your own standard value satisfying your own limit and not the general standard

IMO x

Ooohh btw

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It's a new year and not to  be an annoying cliche, hopefully it's a new me as well! i really wanted to do a post about my flight from England to Nigeria using Arik( a local turned international airline) for the first time, i wanted to do like a critic of the trip but sadly i got an inflammation in my eye when i landed(hmm if i think about it.. it started in their plane..maybe putting two and two together could make me a couple of millions.Lol) Anyways i wasn't able to write it but good news is i'm going to patronise their services again in a few days so watch out for my review :) hehehe

Repressed..

That word has been in the back of my mind for the past few days and i think it kind of explains me..and i know that is definitely not good so to change that i am going to write as much as i can. whether it makes sense or not if im bothered about something i will write because i just keep stuffing things in me and when little spurts of it burst out it comes across as confusing cause i never seem to have complained before..
i shall not kid myself, i know i am not going to change overnight so, ill use writing as an outlet for some of these feelings in the hope that one day ill be able to articulate my issues to another person. Because you would think with the creation of twitter and other social networks i'd be able to express myself but that's not working
Many things annoy me in life but those things are maximised when i am at home (as in with my family) don't get me wrong i love my family and i'm grateful for the privileges i have and i know how lucky i am and yadda yadda yadda.. but sometimes they just dont get it, they never understand why i want certain things or never just listen.. sometimes it's like they are just waiting for you to finish speaking so they can say no and move on. But it makes me wonder what makes me different from other children. Surely, other parents love their children too so why all this..hinderance? I am not a boy but being a girl does not make me less than able to take care of myself.. yes i know, there is reputation to protect and all that shit but i don't understand how we do all the things boys do and still have children, periods, menopause, look pretty, maintain a house and they still say 'are you a man..why do u want to do this?'
So i hold it in and hold it in and i might have reach the stage where it does not even surprise me anymore.. i am just used to this feeling of disappointment with a hint of sadness whenever i am being misunderstood or rejected but it scares me that i find this normal but it shouldn't be.. i  should not take NO for an answer when something is clearly meant to be a yes, i should not have to lay complacent when i'm clearly outraged by the situation i am forced into but this is what i fear i am becoming and i can't go through life bending to accommodate the circumstance and being impassive to unfavourable responses
Maybe i am too scared but please what am i scared of, when did i become like this.. i feel like half of a person; a shadow of my true self.. how can i change this?
THIS IS NOT LIFE