Hustle

Unmotivated

For awhile now I have been laidback, I know to think of the future and have goals and be responsible and learn and grow and all that good stuff but sometimes I can’t help but feel unambitious.

Like I meet or hear of people with such drive and I’m jealous. The funny part is I have big dreams and goals but I guess I don’t see them that way or like they’re not the main vision but other things I want to do, ya feel me

But I want to do them all. One time when asked what I’d do with a million dollars I just thought everything.

I blame my low attention span mind but I love doing ten things at a time because I do think a million things at once.

On drive, maybe I need to feel hopeful because once I do I’ll be on fire.

Right now on a scale of 1 to 10 I’m a big fat meh

This is the life this is the life (NOT!)

Today (well this past weekend) I give up on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. I just can’t do it anymore. It just got to the point where I’m like what am I doing? What are they doing and why am I encouraging them?

I’m over it and so I am done.

I worry I will outgrow my shows as well. They no longer bring the joy they once did. Well, some of them.

Maybe it’s the summer shows problem or perhaps it is the no time, longness of Nigeria situation but my loyalties are weakening. Maybe I am finally growing up and wanting to commit to real people rather than fictional characters.

I had wanted to do my weekly show reviews but lately the shows have me feeling so meh, I can barely analyse it with a show buddy or remember things for plot continuity critique

Maybe it’ll come back, maybe I’ll be able to do for some

But I want to be a tv tastemaker so something must inspire me soon

The L word

Bubbly, light, wavey

Alcohol

Laughter, silliness, relaxed

Happy

Engaged, transfixed, interested

TV shows

Obsessive, escape, content

Reading

Interminably, intoxicating, euphoric

Food

Food, Reading , TV shows, Happy, Alcohol

You

Un..happy

Help me sing this song of freedom

A song I didn’t think I had to sing

A song that I did not know when I lost

Ever find yourself feeling like is this it? Is this how life is forever

Brief bursts of happiness shrouded in perpetual darkness

But I am the light of the world

A city set on a hill

So I radiate for others

But barely have enough for me

So I have the unlimited Source

Why can’t I feel the unlimited light

Am I doing it wrong

This feeling will pass but even when it does

The darkness looms just beyond

Waiting

Monday blues, Lagos living, adulthood

Excuses

Maybe im just unhappy