HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
It's a new year and not to be an annoying cliche, hopefully it's a new me as well! i really wanted to do a post about my flight from England to Nigeria using Arik( a local turned international airline) for the first time, i wanted to do like a critic of the trip but sadly i got an inflammation in my eye when i landed(hmm if i think about it.. it started in their plane..maybe putting two and two together could make me a couple of millions.Lol) Anyways i wasn't able to write it but good news is i'm going to patronise their services again in a few days so watch out for my review :) hehehe
Monday 2 January 2012
Repressed..
That word has been in the back of my mind for the past few days and i think it kind of explains me..and i know that is definitely not good so to change that i am going to write as much as i can. whether it makes sense or not if im bothered about something i will write because i just keep stuffing things in me and when little spurts of it burst out it comes across as confusing cause i never seem to have complained before..
i shall not kid myself, i know i am not going to change overnight so, ill use writing as an outlet for some of these feelings in the hope that one day ill be able to articulate my issues to another person. Because you would think with the creation of twitter and other social networks i'd be able to express myself but that's not working
Many things annoy me in life but those things are maximised when i am at home (as in with my family) don't get me wrong i love my family and i'm grateful for the privileges i have and i know how lucky i am and yadda yadda yadda.. but sometimes they just dont get it, they never understand why i want certain things or never just listen.. sometimes it's like they are just waiting for you to finish speaking so they can say no and move on. But it makes me wonder what makes me different from other children. Surely, other parents love their children too so why all this..hinderance? I am not a boy but being a girl does not make me less than able to take care of myself.. yes i know, there is reputation to protect and all that shit but i don't understand how we do all the things boys do and still have children, periods, menopause, look pretty, maintain a house and they still say 'are you a man..why do u want to do this?'
So i hold it in and hold it in and i might have reach the stage where it does not even surprise me anymore.. i am just used to this feeling of disappointment with a hint of sadness whenever i am being misunderstood or rejected but it scares me that i find this normal but it shouldn't be.. i should not take NO for an answer when something is clearly meant to be a yes, i should not have to lay complacent when i'm clearly outraged by the situation i am forced into but this is what i fear i am becoming and i can't go through life bending to accommodate the circumstance and being impassive to unfavourable responses
Maybe i am too scared but please what am i scared of, when did i become like this.. i feel like half of a person; a shadow of my true self.. how can i change this?
THIS IS NOT LIFE
i shall not kid myself, i know i am not going to change overnight so, ill use writing as an outlet for some of these feelings in the hope that one day ill be able to articulate my issues to another person. Because you would think with the creation of twitter and other social networks i'd be able to express myself but that's not working
Many things annoy me in life but those things are maximised when i am at home (as in with my family) don't get me wrong i love my family and i'm grateful for the privileges i have and i know how lucky i am and yadda yadda yadda.. but sometimes they just dont get it, they never understand why i want certain things or never just listen.. sometimes it's like they are just waiting for you to finish speaking so they can say no and move on. But it makes me wonder what makes me different from other children. Surely, other parents love their children too so why all this..hinderance? I am not a boy but being a girl does not make me less than able to take care of myself.. yes i know, there is reputation to protect and all that shit but i don't understand how we do all the things boys do and still have children, periods, menopause, look pretty, maintain a house and they still say 'are you a man..why do u want to do this?'
So i hold it in and hold it in and i might have reach the stage where it does not even surprise me anymore.. i am just used to this feeling of disappointment with a hint of sadness whenever i am being misunderstood or rejected but it scares me that i find this normal but it shouldn't be.. i should not take NO for an answer when something is clearly meant to be a yes, i should not have to lay complacent when i'm clearly outraged by the situation i am forced into but this is what i fear i am becoming and i can't go through life bending to accommodate the circumstance and being impassive to unfavourable responses
Maybe i am too scared but please what am i scared of, when did i become like this.. i feel like half of a person; a shadow of my true self.. how can i change this?
THIS IS NOT LIFE
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