Dating etiquettes

I stare deeply into gorgeous brown eyes that sparkle in the candlelight glow, I am transfixed. I feel like we've been doing this for ages but it is still not long enough. Sure enough it is the latter, as while I am still thinking these thoughts the waiter walks up to our table, slightly miffed as we're the last patrons 'here's the bill' and walks away. We stare at each other not in the romantic way we were doing a minute ago, awkwardly and suddenly we can't meet each other's eyes. Silence. After 30seconds, I sigh as I reach for my wallet. He does the same.

I am quite awkward as a person. I don't easily fall into comfortability with people till our relationship (friendship or whatever) reaches a certain level.Honestly I have intimacy issues but that is a story for another day. Awkward as I may be I hate feeling embarrassed, these may be not be the things that most people find mutually exclusive but i'm special. Because I hate feeling embarrassed I make sure to do things I can be okay with and can justify in my head so if it comes across as embarrassing I don't feel that way cos I have done it understanding it was okay/acceptable as right.

Dating and seeing people can get very awkward because you don't know the person well enough or haven't reached a level of comfortability where you can freely and confidently do certain things. Take for instance how to address the person when introducing or referring to him in conversations.
There are a lot of things that make dating awkward, today I would like to talk about the handling the bill issue. I feel like people talk about this problem a lot and it is not a new issue but I have never really gotten any concrete advice as to what to do  and I had to think about it recently when speaking with a friend.

The traditional idea was that a man paid for dinner or activities when he took a woman out but in the wave of feminism which I am all for, the lines have blurred a bit as to what to do.
Historically, in pre-feminist times the woman did not make as much money as the man and was meant to do everything in her power to make sure she didn't violate the man's status as hunter-gatherer so it made sense that the man paid but with the empowerment and enlightenment of identities of the sexes, women are increasingly more financially independent at least in most developed countries and guys now know or I hope they do that they don't need to have the woman diminished in certain regards to validate their sex as male.

what does this mean in present times? women can now pay for their meals, ask men out and pay for both their meals...as well as other activities that people that are courting dating are wont to do or better yet both parties pay for what they ate or did and split the bill. But because we have been brought up by people that grew up in a pre-feminist era we find that we still expect the guy to pick up the bill when we go out and this is not even limited to guys we date, our guy friends are sometimes included.
Gold digger or not, I sort of accept it because it is the way I was raised. i know I can pay for my dinner but it shows you are caring and generous when you ask me to have dinner and you pay for it. It is the same way I know I can open the car door or any door we walk through together but somehow you get bonus points for opening it and letting me walk through first.

To avoid broken expectations, disappointment and awkwardness. Many girls reach for their purse but don't really want to pay and end up getting disappointed when they are not stopped. It is not like they aren't fine to pay it, it's just cause no one knows the exact procedure in these things and assume the other person is thinking what they are thinking. I can't speak for guys but maybe they are also not sure of the girl's feminist principles so they feel you might find it insulting by telling you they will pay

I don't know how this will appeal to everyone out there but I have come up with something I think I can be okay with so I am not embarrassed in the future. Here it goes, if you ask me to dinner or whatever activity the date is, offer to pay for it and let me be the one to insist on paying for my half (or not! lol) and if I asked you to come out somewhere then I'd offer to pay it all and you can insist otherwise or for dutch.

That is my solution to the handling the bill thing when you are dating. It is not perfect but it seems fair. When you are in a full on relationship then I feel you are more free to discuss what you think is acceptable or how you go about it together.

Let me know what you think of the whole situation in the comments, I hope you have different thoughts I do enjoy conflict.

This thing of Ours

I don't know how to keep in touch is an excuse

I'm not saying that it is not true and quite frankly I use it unashamedly and a lot but it is still a poor reason

Because the truth is no matter how bad you are at it you haven't not been speaking to anyone - excuse the double negative

What I'm trying to say is if you really wanted to you will but you don't want to admit that it's been hard to message the person when you think of them because u fear you have drifted apart and don't want to have an awkward conversation cos u really don't want to think of ur friendship as reduced to that

That you feel like if u did speak to them u wouldn't be able to fully be urself and say all the things you really want to cos u don't know how or what the person thinks about you now. The whole u can be silly with ur friends but at this point they're almost an acquitance

Or that u are really lazy or u expect them to reach out first because u are not one to put urself out there for fear of rejection

Or u have lost those things u had in common that forged the friendship in the first place and as cliche as it sounds you really are at different places in your life


Bit then it's easier to say I don't know how to keep in touch..it's not a lie but it's not the whole truth

I don't know why I'm thinking about this or if I'd change myself. I realise u can't be bosom buddies with certain ppl forever but u may want to address this honestly with the people u do want in your life in the long run cos it might just be the icebreaker that will lead to the recovery of your friendship


P.S: in case it wasn't obvious I'm a believer in self development. You shouldn't apologise for who you are but u should also be honest about the best version of yourself and develop urself to it..hey don't just take my word for it

It's IMO

xx

Tan lines, Swimsuits and all inclusive service

As i begin this post, a huge smile is plastered on my face as I contemplate where to start in explaining the amazing experience I had in Cancun this easter.
Maybe from the very beginning will be best.. so my friend Dara wanted to do a destination holiday for her 21st cause she's so cool and un-mainstream and that's what a dinner and dancing party would have been to be honest so we her friends, especially me, grew some serious balls and asked our parents to go on a trip to Mexico and by the grace and mercy of God, i promise you that can be the only explanation, we got the funds, permission- and for me with my Nigerian pali- the visa to go!

The anticipation and building excitement was unbelievable, we just couldn't wait and even after we had bought the plane tickets we still couldn't believe we were actually doing it! We prepared extensively for it with shopping sprees in the UK and on Aliexpress (God bless that site!), yes we ordered stuff from China! including and not limited to hair, clothes, swimwear, waterproof cases for our phones.
Also prepared body wise with exercise regimes, diet plans and what not because we had to be bikini ready!

April 17th finally came and we made our way to Mexico with our converted pesos, holiday appropriate wardrobe and banging bodies and it was better than we could ever imagine. I get so happy thinking about it that I cannot fully describe it. We went jet skiing (sort of) parasailing, private yacht cruising, snorkeling, swimming and playing with Dolphins in the oceans, we also visited the flea markets, rode their local buses, pool side chilled and also did some beach frolicking.

And the fooood! Let me just mention that the hotel was all inclusive so your imagination can do the rest on how much we ate! and if you're thinking it was like a chinese buffet that can sometimes be not that great let me correct you. The food was amazing like soo good, there was hardly anything i tasted that i didn't like. Mexican food is gorgeous and unlimited supply..well let's just say no one can blame me for being a bit of a glutton while i was there. I had to give up on my bikini body oh.

okay not so much giving up

The drinks were free as well so we shayo-ed to our heart's content..drank! i tried to have as many cocktails as possible but i now know my knowledge of cocktails is very limited cos I had all I knew and more and I still didn't have them all! our go-to drink was the Strawberry daiquiri which we at some point had to start taking virgin because we were all alcohol-ed out.

We met loads of interesting people especially this guy from Rhode Island with a legit Italian American, mafia sounding accent and lots of nice people fascinated with a group of black girls lol.
Going out was legendary and once was enough, trust me. I lost my voice and I am still struggling to recover it back.

The beach with its white sands and blue water with different shades that ombre-d...the burger that made my eyes roll back into my head the first time i tasted it, the pool, the hot guys (even though they were with girlfriends, urghh i was salty and no it wasn't just the seawater), the amazing hospitality service at ME by Melia Cancun, with the palm on the chest as they said 'Hola'..the vanilla cake from the cafe..oh my gosh, take me back!

I was really sad to come back to reality but every good thing comes to an end and I still have my tan lines and pictures that verify that i was actually there and good memories to carry throughout my days.
All in all, I'm glad and thankful I did it and I definitely want to do trips like this many more times in my lifetime God willing.

War Paint

These hoes ain't loyal and in this player game the war paint for women is make up!
In the past few months even me, a girl that is not really into heavy make up like that, I'm upgrading my make up bag. I now own not only foundation, lip gloss and eyeliner, they were my basic make up products in first year but also mascara, highlighter, fix spray, lip liner, powder, eyebrow kit, extensive brushes and eyeshadow palettes and most shocking of all, a handful of lipsticks! and trust me, I am pretty basic.
I am privileged to know a few girls that are really into make up so I know about concealer, banana powder (lol, thank you Kim K), contouring, false lashes, oil control, primer, milk of magnesia (!) among others so I've concluded, we girls stay doing the most! Ahn ahn..really and truly if a babe wants a guy, trust me he hardly stands the chance, even if u can resist, the temptation will test your breaking point. Even guys that think they like girls with barely any make up on, dey there! one can arrange her face with so much make up and still look like she's not wearing any make up, that's why it's called the natural look.

The reason i started with the now famous line from Chris Brown's hit is because I have come to realize that make up is a tool many girls use to upgrade their situation in life, whether it be from single to having a boyfriend, or looking a certain way to attract older men or in order to get a 'rich nigga to want you' or even finding husband!

I can't lie I can't do up to some girls but i think I am still fine where i am with regards to the war going on and I do not have any reason to try and upgrade my situation.. in the meanwhile, like a new friend has taught me to say..

I just dey observe!

Lover of wordplay, anagrams, palindrome and yes, innuendos!

Words fail me..sometimes.

I love to read, to lose myself in stories, the different ways people see the world. Writers are one of the amazing people in the world to me, the way they can access their imagination and paint it in words for others to see and marvel. Words are their tools and the way they use them have always impressed me, i have always envied the way they manipulate them to convey the message so you can feel the meaning of the words not just understand them.

For instance in Chimamanda's Purple Hibisicus Kambili speaks of Father Amadi's eyes caressing her and in Lola Shoneyin's Secret Lives of Baba Segi's wives, Baba Segi's eyes lick Bolanle's unpainted nails, face and so on. I find it so interesting how much feeling this description evokes in me and I have always wanted to be able to describe or narrate in such a way that you don't give what happened but at the same time give the feeling the actions described evoke but sadly, words do not co-operate with me..
oh another favourite from the secret lives, "Iya Femi picked me up with her eyes and threw me to the floor" What! I love how she put it and i can see it so clearly in my head !lol

I worry that this stems from my resistance to tap into my innermost feelings and so I can never be fully honest. oh well
With practice and luck one day I may just be able to

Probably worth mentioning: the books mentioned here are amazing reads and some of my favourite nigerian books especially 'cause of the simple way they tell such deep stories

All I want for my birthday is a.. er some..

So talking with some friends yesterday made me think about what i want as per presents not deep abstract longings and I have just decided to do my very honest, very expensive wishlist as at right now. Here goes..

MacBook Pro
My current Macbook pro is five years old and has worked sufficiently for me but needs to retire and rest now cos she ain't as fast and the batteries need constant external support for it to function so this item is half necessity half ojukokoro.

CL Iriza pumps
I love shoes. They bring me joy and really, is there any shoeholic that doesn't want a pair of red bottoms? *pin drops*... I loove court shoes and these ones in nude give me butterflies.

or even these Pigalles will do really...

Nikon Digital Camera
So in first year (2010) and for a while everybody including me loved, wanted and had if they were lucky an SLR or some professional/professional looking camera. they are great and all but somehow I got tired of lugging around this massive (it's really not that big) thing around no matter how amazing my pictures would be. So, I want a small, clutch fitting camera i can take anywhere. I really like the Nikon ad so this item made my wish list and I feel like there's jazz (juju) in the music- no pun intended- accompanying the ad that makes me want it really bad.

Prada handbag
I am not one for hype or mainstream unless it realllyyyy reallyyy appeals to me so if i didn't like it so much i'd easily stop if everyone and their grandma did but damn i love this bag. #GGMMB

iPod touch
A while back my iPod got lost while in my brother's care and it still hurts me till today so occasionally I pine for it hence this item.

Smartphone

Lately I've been, I've been hav-ing (think One Republic's Counting stars)..some problems with my S3 so I want a new phone. I don't really care as long as it is a smartphone so I can call, text, browse, instagram, twitter, whatsapp and snapchat on it but no Samsung abeg.

I'm sure there's more but this will do for now at this ungodly hour..

There are many important immaterial things I also pray for with all my heart to happen this year that I have decided not to talk about in this post. Material or otherwise, I really hope my dreams for this year come true, in Jesus' name (Amen).

xxxx

Comeback?

I need to write more
I really do especially because i consider myself someone who isn't the best at articulating my feelings..don't get me wrong i can communicate but i feel i can't explain the weight of my feelings or describe them accurately so it's sort of lost in translation. However, if i write more chances are the truth or my truth will be in there somewhere.
I am still trying to figure myself out and sometimes my mind is not very organised this will come across in the posts, please bear with me and hopefully it'll all make sense.

A lot has happened in the two years i have not written, I've seen Drake and Beyonce (twice) in concert, I've graduated university, I have changed disciplines and I've moved cities. I've made new friends and lost contact with others. Twitter paved the way so now there's Instagram, Vine, Keek- oh fun times but it's dead now-, Vine, Snapchat..., I've used a blackberry and I've used a Samsung..A lot has happened and I may not remember them all but it's changed me and most days i am not disappointed or troubled by this change. this is how life is, a constant change and I am okay with it. I may write about things that have happened or things i am going through but i will try to write because something is always happening, change is always occurring even when it does not seem to be so.

In a few minutes I turn 22 and i have a lot of feelings about it but i'll save that for later. being old doesn't scare me so much as not fully living does. I think i'm good so far but i worry about the future you see. I have always been a worrier which is bad and considering I'm a Christian i know worrying can do nothing and God has my back but sometimes much as I try- and believe me I do (control freak of nature should be my middle name)- I cannot control my feelings.

22
birthdays should lose their potency the older you become but for me it doesn't. there's something about the day every year, it cannot be explained.

I've developed or maybe it has always been there a very intense and amazing love for TV shows and movies. not exactly a buff but I am no slouch either, it's deep. Some may say this affects the way I view reality but i don't think so. For me, and take from this what you will, they're an escape.. a world where the troubles aren't mine (even though i totally used to get so embarrassed for the heroine just before the end of a typical romcom i had to remind myself it wasn't me it was happening to), good prevailed and love lasted. you see, i've somewhat given up on the world in certain regards (this is bad and I'm working on it) but in TV world it's controlled even when it goes wrong one is comforted by the fact that it isn't real. I'm not even going to try and make you understand because i fully don't tbh but it makes me happy and that's the only reason i need right?
Just highlighted tv because i think i'll also have some reviews of some interesting episodes of some of the many shows I watch...that should be good.

Don't worry i don't watch ALL these but..

It will be hard but I'll do my best to put something up every week even if it is one paragraph of rubbish lol...let's see how long i can keep it up [say no to negativity].

It's good to be back
xxxx

P.S: Am I still an adolescent? Need to reconsider blog name.